Has anyone been watching the truly terrible Seven Ages of Rock
series? I've watched two of them so far and that, quite frankly, has been two too many.
Last week was punk, which, if you didn't know, consisted entirely of New York and London. Iggy Pop invented this phenomenon, if you were to take the film-makers' version of events, and was then followed by the Ramones (a mere 7 years or so after Iggy first released an album), Television and Patti Smith. Quite independently of this, the Damned, Sex Pistols and the Clash came along cos they didn't like people with long hair. Ooops, nearly forgot, the Slits were the only women who played this strange new music in London, so they also got a quick mention.
I watched the heavy metal edition last night - it was so brilliantly executed (wait, that should have been the researchers for this series who should be executed). Heavy metal was invented by Black Sabbath cos Tony Iommi had the tip of his finger cut off and so, the device he used to play his guitar first made that heavy metal sound. You think I'm joking? This is what the programme makers claimed. So there was Black Sabbath then Deep Purple and then ... Judas Priest!! Nothing before and nothing inbetween these three bands. Judas Priest were then the first people ever in the history of the world to wear leather clothes and metal studs and stuff. Then up pops Motley Crue and then there is nothing until Metallica are invented cos the singer hates Motley Crue (even though the singer says a Motley Crue album was so good that it forced his own band to change their style). Oh, and Metallic used to have long hair - wowfuckingwee!
This all made for worst music documentaries I have ever seen - including one I saw about the Manchester music scene once which didn't mention Joy Division or New Order or the Smiths.
Such was my criticism of this garbage, the boy, who I watched last night's with, told me to "shut up" on more than one occasion. I, on the other hand, thought that he would have made a better job out of making both programmes and by doing so with his hands tied behind his back.
Next week is stadium rock, which, apparently, ended cos no-one could top U2's stage shows from the early '90s. You think I'm joking? Then watch it! Alternatively, you could try washing your hair.
* Flying Lizards
Labels: total bollocks