Sunday, August 08, 2010

Twat *

So we head off in ex's car to take the boy and his mate to the Big Chill festival. I stayed for the weekend last year and had a great time, but I have decided to give festivals and camping a miss for the rest of my life. Anyway, back to this year. So we head off just shortly after the ex has told me twice that the car will need petrol.

Get through London with no problems. M4 is quite quiet and off to the Welsh border we head. Quick stop at service station to stretch our legs. Another stop at Good Pub Guide pub of the year 2009. Get on the M5 and not far off the junction we need to get off to get the road to Ledbury (where the Big Chill is being held). Well, what is going on with the car. It's dragging. What the fuck? It's conking out. In middle lane so carefully have to negotiate back into slow lane and come to a halt in the hard shoulder. It's ran out of fucking petrol. What a fucking idiot I am! And thank fuck we made it onto the hard shoulder cos motorways are pretty scary places to be when you are either stopped or going slow. We think this as lorry after lorry goes past us shuddering the car which we then decide to get out of. First move is to phone ex to find out if she is in the AA, but don't get an answer as she is probably in meeting at work. Nothing else for it but to walk little way and use phone on motorway. They ask if we are covered and I say no. JJ points to Green Flag sticker on car but I dismiss this as I say that sticker has been on there since we got the car many years ago. Anyway, mechanic on phone takes £95 payment and says he'll get to us in about 30 minutes. Two truck turns up and takes us to the petrol station. On way - and about 200 yards from where we were stuck - roadworks are on and sign says free breakdown recovery in place. Petrol station less than mile from where we were stopped and, while JJ flirts with mechanic - I fill up the car. Mechanic fucks off and I pay for petrol. Back out to car and ... it doesn't start. Fuck, fuck fuck!!! Just no way is it starting. Don't know what to do. Ask some people around for advice but they cannot offer anything. Now I'm standing around looking totally lost and confused and thinking I'll have to get mechanic back out, which doesn't seem to upset JJ too much. Just then, however, blokes with lots of tattoos asks if I want a jump start. Brings jump leads out and, in less than two minutes, the car is off and running. And off to the Big Chill it is.

As I said, the plan was to drop boys off at the campsite and then JJ and I were heading off to Ludlow for night in hotel.

Get to Ledbury and all is well and we locate the gate we are to go into. Only problem is that thousands of others are going in at the same time and we crawl and stop and crawl and stop. Eventually get in the gate and make our way so slowly along dirt track to the car park. But I suddenly get scary thought - how the fuck are we going to get back out of this single track dirt road? All four of us at about the same time then decide to about turn. Do that with difficulty and force cars into the hedge so that we can get out. Get to the gate and ... no way out as cars coming in both lanes from the direction we want to go in! But, luckily, just few minutes later we see and opening and out we go. Can think of nothing else to do with the boys but to dump them at side of the road with all their gear and the beer supplies for them and all their mates. Just as we are about to say our goodbyes, the ex sends me a text to say that the car is covered by Green Flag breakdown service. Reidski is 100 quid out of pocket for nothing. But, hey, it was an adventure. And JJ and I then have lovely evening in Ludlow.

And then the nightmare really began - going into dining room for breakfast the next morning I noticed only one big table round which everyone is sitting, with two empty seats for JJ and I. Some forced small talk ensues with the idiots we are forced to spend breakfast with. This, folks, was worse than the previous day.

* John Cooper Clarke

Sunday, April 11, 2010


This was so good.

I'm so glad they made a comeback - however brief that might be!

*King Adora

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Just Like Nothing On Earth *

My son - aka the boy - was the talk of his sixth-form college yesterday.

Background: the boy has had a tough opening period in his A-level years (all his own doing right enough, what with the dope-smoking and massive absentee record).

Yesterday, friends of friends who are in another class were mentioning how a student who never turns up for class achieved an A mark in philosophy in recent test. Meanwhile, over in sociology, teacher asks the boy to stand up and then declares to class just how "proud" she is of him for achieving A in recent test and asks him to pass on his revision hints to rest of class. The boy says: "I didn't really do any revision!"

The boy goes along to philosophy class and realises that the student they have been talking about his him. Form teacher turns up at class and marches the boy to head teacher's room and tells her: "This is the boy I was telling you about." Head teacher says to the boy: "That any student can get A marks for sociology and philosophy is quite an achievement. That you, who never turns up for classes can do this, is quite phenomenal. But you have done it, so I can only congratulate you!" The boy's mates and fellow students are aghast at his marks. The boy thinks it's hilarious.

Had to admit, it was very funny. Well worth the tenner I gave him for beers!

And, yes, I know we all hated those kids at college/school who SAID they didn't do any work and then passed all exams easy. But the boy really, really, really done nothing!!

*The Stranglers


Saturday, September 12, 2009

Out of State

Going to see Richmond Fontaine with JJ in Bedford tonight. There simply isn't much better than a RF gig (seen them five or six times in the past), so looking forward to this.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

You Dont Know My Friends

Tom Brosseau - probably my highlight of The Big Chill last weekend.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Simple Stuff*

How sweet!

How weird!

Btw, having a whale of a time recently. Been to two amazingly brilliant gigs with JJ in past couple of weeks. Silversun Pickups at Heaven was fantastic. TV on the Radio at Brixton Academy was probably even more fantastic. Got new role at work - now part of the boss class!! Getting tickets to the Big Chill with the boy and his mates. Planning to take the boy to Paris for few days. And lots and lots of other stuff.

Dipped into Facebook for first time in months today. Still don't really know what it's all about!

* Echo and the Bunnymen

Saturday, June 13, 2009

I'm Wishing On A Star *

This sketch got the Australian TV programme it appeared on suspended for a fortnight and led to the sacking of the head of comedy (I think) of the ABC channel in the country. I think it's quite funny. But, then again, I may be sick - or maybe I just understand the difference between satire and offensiveness.


Rose Royce