Good Morning *

Celtic got thrashed last night and now I don’t think we’re going through to the knock-out stages - in fact, don't think we'll even finish third and thus make the UEFA Cup.
Woke up this morning in what must the coldest day in history. Got out of bed and instantly froze. No heating coming out of the radiators. That’s weird, I thought. Then started the shower. Water not heating up. That’s weird, I thought. Still no water heating up – in fact, water fucking freezing. Go and look at the meter. No money in meter. Think to myself: “Alex, you stupid cunt, why didn’t you keep an eye on how much was in the meter over the last few days?” So didn’t have a shower. But did need a shave, cos I looked like a fucking caveman. Don’t know if you know what it’s like to shave with freezing cold water, but it’s fucking agony. So I shave and I’m fucking freezing and can’t believe my face hasn’t been cut to ribbons, cos that’s what normally happens when shaving with freezing cold water. So decide to leave for train five minutes earlier than usual cos the house is totally fucking freezing and I think that a walk will at least heat my body up a bit. Get to station in plenty of time and at least my body has warmed up a bit. But the train is late and by the time it arrives I’m totally fucking freezing. So leaving house early wasn’t such a good idea after all. And then, cos train has been delayed, it means that this has given more people down the line the chance to catch it. So train is absolutely packed and there is no way I can get on it. So I have to wait for the next one and the clock is ticking. Eventually it comes and I get on. Not too packed, but the couple standing near to me both have the whiffiest of bad breath – obviously smokers – and I get the full force every time their heads point in my direction. Pure dead smelly.
As it nears London Bridge, people do that weird thing and stand up before the train stops to try and wedge themselves as near to the door as possible. Guy treads on my foot in his stupid attempts. I glare at him – he backs off and apologises.
I get on the Tube and get a seat at next stop – this is good. I take my book out and huge bloke next to me proceeds to snore the fucking roof off. It puts me off reading. In fact, I want to punch his stupid face in. He snores the whole way to Euston – fucker!!
I then try to walk up escalator. Someone in front does the unpardonable and puts their bag on the left hand side so we can’t walk up. Stupid tossers.
I then get hit by a wave of coldness as I leave the station.
I then see two young teenage girls light up fags outside shop just down from work – what a very depressing sight so early in the morning.
I eventually get into work and someone (and I fucking know who) has left the fucking air conditioner on all fucking night – it is totally bollocking freezing. A brass monkey in front of me now has no balls.
I then get a right whingeing bastard on the line for over 30 minutes as my first call.
That arsehold upstairs phones and does what he always does and really winds me up.
The phones are going mental and there is only three out of the eight of us in.
One previously absent colleague has only now, as I write, walked into the office 40 minutes fucking late without any explanation to anyone, including her boss.

Am I in a bad mood? Am I fuck! I'm happy as Larry (who is he, anyway?) cos I'm catching the train to see JJ tonight!

But, for now, back to work!

* It could be The Beatles, Dandy Warhols or Debbie Reynolds, Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor.